Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
More Quotes by Anonymous
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.
When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.
If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean, and you go to sleep at 9 o'clock, it means you don't have Internet!!
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.
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