Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing. - Anonymous
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes Statements
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.' Anonymous
Computers
When you fall, I will be there to catch you.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes
We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - Anonymous
We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Know Quotes Short Quotes
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Sayings
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! Anonymous
Know Quotes Sayings
You can trust your dog to guard your house.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich. Anonymous
Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. - Anonymous
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. Anonymous
Questions Work Quotes
I wish my wallet came with free refills. - Anonymous
I wish my wallet came with free refills. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. Anonymous
Life Quotes People Quotes Phone
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. - Anonymous
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. Anonymous
People Quotes Think Quotes Time Quotes
Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it? - Anonymous
Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it? Anonymous
Moments Questions Short Quotes
Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side. - Anonymous
Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Statements
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
Marriage Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. - Anonymous
Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. Anonymous
Analogies Money Quotes Short Quotes
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!" - CoolFunnyQuotes.com
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!" CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Animals Happy Quotes Man Quotes
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. - Anonymous
If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
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