Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Pilot rules

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
Anonymous

Good Quotes Stupid Quotes

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. Anonymous

Never Quotes People Quotes Phone

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Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. Anonymous

Questions Stupid Quotes

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste. Anonymous

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. - Anonymous

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. Anonymous

Love Quotes Sayings

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. - Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous

Animals Cat Quotes Computers

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. - Anonymous

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen. - Anonymous

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen. Anonymous

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Witty Quotes

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down. Anonymous

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck. - Anonymous

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck. Anonymous

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday. - Anonymous

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

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Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.

Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice? - Anonymous

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice? Anonymous

Phone Questions Short Quotes

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. - Anonymous

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. Anonymous

Life Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes Work Quotes

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. - Anonymous

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. Anonymous

Questions Work Quotes

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. - Anonymous

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Statements

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