Top 100 Funny Quotes

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Anonymous

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.

Anonymous

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

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Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Anonymous

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Anonymous

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!

Anonymous

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

Anonymous

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Anonymous

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.

Anonymous

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Oscar Wilde

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Anonymous

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

Anonymous

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Anonymous

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Anonymous