Top 100 Funny Quotes

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After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Cheer myself up.

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous

Moments Time Quotes

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. - Anonymous

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous

Money Quotes Statements Time Quotes

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Friend Quotes Love Quotes

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.' Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. - Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Love Quotes People Quotes

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? - Anonymous

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? Anonymous

Life Quotes Money Quotes Phone

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. - Anonymous

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? - Anonymous

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? Anonymous

Questions Stupid Quotes

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it? - Anonymous

Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it? Anonymous

Moments Questions Short Quotes

Funny drinking quote - 24 hours day beer

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Steven Alexander Wright

Beer Quotes Drinking Questions

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. - Anonymous

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! Anonymous

Questions Sayings Short Quotes

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition? - Anonymous

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

It's really complicated to make something simple.

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated. Anonymous

Sayings Statements

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Know Quotes Short Quotes

Displayed 145-168 of 400 quotes.

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