Top 100 Funny Quotes

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.