Top 100 Funny Quotes

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.