Top 100 Funny Quotes

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It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." - Anonymous
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
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If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous
Life Quotes People Quotes Witty Quotes
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. - Anonymous
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. Anonymous
Money Quotes
Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there. - Anonymous
Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Good Quotes Know Quotes
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. Anonymous
Sayings
Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. - Anonymous
Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. Anonymous
Sayings Sleep Quotes
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous
Questions
I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" - Anonymous
I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" Anonymous
Phone
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Work Quotes
Pilot rules
Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
 Anonymous
Good Quotes Stupid Quotes
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous
Money Quotes Statements Time Quotes
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