My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!
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