Top 100 Funny Quotes
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Anonymous
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! Anonymous
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place. Anonymous
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Anonymous
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Anonymous
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Winston Churchill
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. Anonymous
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. Anonymous
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. Anonymous
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Anonymous
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' Anonymous
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? Anonymous
Displayed 121-144 of 400 quotes.