Top 100 Funny Quotes

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.