Top 100 Funny Quotes
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Anonymous
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?
Anonymous
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
Anonymous
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Anonymous
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
Anonymous
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
Anonymous
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.
Anonymous
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
Anonymous
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Anonymous
Displayed 121-144 of 400 quotes.