Top 100 Funny Quotes

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

If I say "First of all," run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Anonymous

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

Pablo Picasso

Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes.

Anonymous

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Anonymous

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Anonymous

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

Anonymous

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.

Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.

Anonymous

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Paul Fix

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Anonymous

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting... It's like, woah, I'm not the same person I was last night.

Anonymous

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.

Anonymous

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?

Anonymous

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

Anonymous

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Anonymous

You're never too old to do goofy stuff.

Anonymous

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

Anonymous