Top 100 Funny Quotes

Never ask a starfish for directions.

Anonymous

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.

Henry Louis Mencken

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

Anonymous

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Anonymous

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after.

Anonymous

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

Anonymous

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

Anonymous

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Sam Levenson

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.

Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Anonymous

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Anonymous

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Anonymous

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

Anonymous