Top 100 Funny Quotes
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. Anonymous
Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. Anonymous
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep. Anonymous
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. Anonymous
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. Anonymous
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Anonymous
"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." Anonymous
I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do. Anonymous
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous
I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face! Anonymous
What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Anonymous
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. Anonymous
Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake. Anonymous
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Displayed 73-96 of 400 quotes.