Top 100 Funny Quotes

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

Anonymous

When nothing is going right, go left.

Anonymous

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.

Anonymous

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

Anonymous

My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.

Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough.

Anonymous

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Anonymous

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

Anonymous

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Anonymous

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

Anonymous

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.

Anonymous

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

Anonymous

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.

Anonymous

I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you.

Anonymous

When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.

Anonymous