Top 100 Funny Quotes

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Helen Giangregorio

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

Anonymous

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!

Anonymous

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

Anonymous

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.

Anonymous

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.

Anonymous

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Anonymous

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Anonymous

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

Anonymous

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

P.D. East

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Oscar Wilde

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Anonymous

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Anonymous