Top 100 Funny Quotes

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People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. - Anonymous

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

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I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep. - Anonymous

I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep. Anonymous

Good Quotes Lazy Quotes Life Quotes

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. - Anonymous

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. Anonymous

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Anonymous

Sayings Sleep Quotes

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." - Anonymous

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do. - Anonymous

I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do. Anonymous

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. - Anonymous

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous

People Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Think Quotes

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face! - Anonymous

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face! Anonymous

Life Quotes Love Quotes People Quotes

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes

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What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' - Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' Anonymous

Animals Phone Stupid Quotes

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Walter Bagehot

Life Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.

Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Anonymous

Facebook Life Quotes Time Quotes

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. - Anonymous

A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. Anonymous

Analogies Love Quotes Phone

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes TV Quotes

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti

Stupid Quotes Think Quotes Work Quotes

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. - Anonymous

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

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