He who laughs last didn't get it.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
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