Top 100 Funny Quotes

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A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. - Anonymous
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Anonymous
Analogies Short Quotes
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. - Anonymous
Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
Marriage Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. - Anonymous
Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet. Anonymous
Sayings
Smile while you still have teeth.
Smile while you still have teeth. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. Anonymous
Internet
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living. - Anonymous
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." - Anonymous
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident." Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. - Anonymous
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Anonymous
Love Quotes Short Quotes
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. - Anonymous
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Good Quotes People Quotes
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. - Anonymous
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. Anonymous
Sayings Work Quotes
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out? - Anonymous
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out? Anonymous
Questions
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