I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. Anonymous
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion. Anonymous
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating. Anonymous
If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be. Anonymous
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet. Anonymous
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human. Anonymous
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. Anonymous
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Anonymous
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one. Erma Bombeck
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with. Anonymous
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths. Steven Alexander Wright