Top 100 Funny Quotes
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
Anonymous
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Winston Churchill
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
Anonymous
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
Anonymous
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
Anonymous
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
Anonymous
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Anonymous
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep.
Anonymous
Displayed 16-30 of 400 quotes.