Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Charles Dement
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
The difference between running and walking is a lot more apparent when you have to go to the bathroom.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken
In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
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