Top 100 Funny Quotes

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There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link. - Anonymous

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link. Anonymous

Facebook Internet Life Quotes

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street. - Anonymous

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street. Anonymous

Analogies Short Quotes

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz

Life Quotes Short Quotes World Quotes

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous

Know Quotes Moments People Quotes

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. - Anonymous

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. Anonymous

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. - Anonymous

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. Anonymous

Animals Questions Short Quotes

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food. - Anonymous

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Friend Quotes Short Quotes

The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it. - Anonymous

The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it. Anonymous

Animals Short Quotes

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. Anonymous

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. - Anonymous

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. Anonymous

Sayings Sleep Quotes

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Joey Adams

Love Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. - Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. - Anonymous

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes

I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. - Anonymous

I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true. - Anonymous

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. - Anonymous

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' Anonymous

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. Anonymous

I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. - Anonymous

I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me. Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. - Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous

Facebook TV Quotes Time Quotes

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