Top 100 Funny Quotes

Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.

Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Anonymous

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Anonymous

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

Anonymous

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Anonymous

If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.

Anonymous

I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.

Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Anonymous

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.

Anonymous

Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.

Anonymous

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Albert Einstein

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Anonymous

Best friend: the one you can only get mad at for a short period, because you have important stuff to tell them.

Anonymous

You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.

Anonymous