Top 100 Funny Quotes

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?