Top 100 Funny Quotes
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. Anonymous
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. Anonymous
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Anonymous
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. Anonymous
What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' Anonymous
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Steven Alexander Wright
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! Anonymous
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. Anonymous
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double. Anonymous
If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be. Anonymous
I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Anonymous
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. Anonymous
I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Anonymous
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Displayed 193-216 of 400 quotes.