Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. - Anonymous

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. Anonymous

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y". Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome! Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings

It's so simple to be wise.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. Sam Levenson

Stupid Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright

Questions Sayings Short Quotes

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. - Anonymous

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Anonymous

Analogies Sleep Quotes

I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. - Anonymous

I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Good Quotes People Quotes

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. - Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. Anonymous

Sayings Work Quotes

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Funny drinking quote - 24 hours day beer

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Steven Alexander Wright

Beer Quotes Drinking Questions

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous

Know Quotes Moments People Quotes

I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free. - Anonymous

I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free. Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Anonymous

Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Dear Humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet.

Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library. Anonymous

Computers Internet

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. - Anonymous

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Math Quotes Sayings

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Walter Bagehot

Life Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. Anonymous

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

Famous Quotes Questions

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Sayings Short Quotes Work Quotes

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. - Anonymous

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

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