Top 100 Funny Quotes

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If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. - Anonymous

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. - Anonymous

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

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Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Love Quotes People Quotes

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither! - Anonymous

You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither! Anonymous

Know Quotes Moments Work Quotes

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

He who laughs last didn't get it. - Helen Giangregorio

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Helen Giangregorio

Sayings Short Quotes

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. - Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' Anonymous

Dog Quotes Stupid Quotes

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs...

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. Anonymous

Drinking Man Quotes Sayings

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? - Anonymous

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

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I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

Pablo Picasso

Famous Quotes Man Quotes Money Quotes

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. Anonymous

Know Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. - Anonymous

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Wise Quotes

It's really complicated to make something simple.

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated. Anonymous

Sayings Statements

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous

Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' - Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' Anonymous

Animals Phone Stupid Quotes

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Statements

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Sayings

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