Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
It doesn't matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!
Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.
In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
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