Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
More Quotes by Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.
To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
How was the dog's day? Ruff.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.
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