After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George W. Bush
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
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