Work Quotes

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Today I decided to do some manly work. I sat down on the couch and I'm watching TV. It's hard but it's necessary.

I changed my alarm clock sound with an applause, it's the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.

I told my boss three companies were looking after me and I needed a raise. He asked who they were, so told him the gas, electric and cable company.