I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday.
Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.
After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
I'm not feeling very worky today.
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
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