I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.
When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work.
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.
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