My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
I'm not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.
I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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