Work Quotes

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.

If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.