I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.
When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.
Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.
I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.
Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?
