Fred Allen Quote
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with. Anonymous
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. Anonymous
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. Anonymous
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! Anonymous
When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done. Anonymous
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?" Anonymous
I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do. Anonymous
Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. Anonymous
When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work. Anonymous
There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation. Anonymous
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. Anonymous
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life. Anonymous
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Anonymous
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous