The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
My boss told me "It's not rocket science." Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.
I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.
When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.
If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend.
Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.
I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
Stop crying, Monday will be over soon.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
Work is just something I'm doing until I win the lottery.
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
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