I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George W. Bush
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
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