Wise cracks and funny advise that people have given to others.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
The best revenge is massive success.
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