Dave Barry Quote

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep.

Never ask a starfish for directions.

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?