How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.Anonymous
How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.Anonymous
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. Dave Barry
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.Anonymous
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.Anonymous
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.Anonymous
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.Anonymous
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