It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Alexander Wright
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
I can't wait for that to never happen.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right.
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.
When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Always run away from temptations... but slowly, so they can catch up to you.
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