Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
The best revenge is massive success.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.
Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.
A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator.
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
