Wise Quotes

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Anonymous

How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.

Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

Anonymous

Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Anonymous

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

Anonymous

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.

Anonymous

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Anonymous

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Anonymous

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.

Anonymous

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Anonymous

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Anonymous

My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."

Anonymous

Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.

Anonymous