Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.
Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
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