If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. Dave Barry
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me." Anonymous
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. Anonymous
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. Anonymous
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece. Anonymous
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything. Anonymous
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. Dave Barry
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on. Anonymous
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Dave Barry
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