Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
More Quotes by Erma Bombeck
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
"Don't worry you'll live." What are you a doctor or something?
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
You already know something you don't even know that you know.
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