You never run out of things that can go wrong.
After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
Hold on, let me overthink this.
Never judge a book by it's movie
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.
He who laughs.....lasts.
I noticed you are not noticing me.
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremedous boredom."
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.
A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.
Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.
A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.
A joke is a very serious thing.
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!
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