Funny Sayings

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.

Never ask a starfish for directions.

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.

Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.