In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremedous boredom."
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza.
If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Don't press your luck, you might pop it.
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I feel the best when I am happy.
You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Never judge a book by it's movie
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
A joke is a very serious thing.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
