I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.
Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
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