Funny Sayings

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

Frank Zappa

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

Anonymous

Stop texting me in the middle of texting you... now I have to change my text.

Anonymous

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Anonymous

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

Anonymous

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

Anonymous

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Edgar Bergen

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

Anonymous

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Anonymous

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Anonymous

Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

Anonymous

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

Anonymous

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

Anonymous

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Anonymous

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

Anonymous

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Anonymous