When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
Legend says that when you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone's dream. So if everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great.
Whomever tries to drown their sorrows by drinking should know one thing: they know how to swim!
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!
Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
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