I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.
Smile while you still have teeth.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.
If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
