A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.
Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019