Funny Sayings

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

Legend says that when you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone's dream. So if everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters.

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."

You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents.

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.