Never ask a starfish for directions.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.
If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
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