"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.
There is no better moment to postpone something you don't want to do other than right now.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.
I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.
Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff.
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
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