When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken
Legend says that when you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone's dream. So if everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
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