Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
There is no better moment to postpone something you don't want to do other than right now.
The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.
Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.
I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff.
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."
The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.
Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza.
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremedous boredom."
