Funny Sayings

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

I'd take a nerf bullet for you.

Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.