The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George W. Bush
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
The difference between running and walking is a lot more apparent when you have to go to the bathroom.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
A joke is a very serious thing.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
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