Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
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