Funny Sayings

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Anonymous

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

Anonymous

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

Anonymous

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

Anonymous

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Anonymous

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

Anonymous

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Anonymous

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Edgar Bergen

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

Anonymous

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Anonymous

Stop texting me in the middle of texting you... now I have to change my text.

Anonymous

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Anonymous

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

Anonymous

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Anonymous

Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.

Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

Anonymous