I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met, yet.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.
You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.
I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!
