I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying.
Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"?
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