Legend says that when you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone's dream. So if everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great.
Those who snore always fall asleep first.
Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
With great power comes an even greater electricity bill.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.
The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.
If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
