Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.
The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.
Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.
Those who snore always fall asleep first.
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
The road to success is always under construction.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
Hold on, let me overthink this.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.
You're never too old to do goofy stuff.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.
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