Funny Sayings

I noticed you are not noticing me.

Anonymous

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.

Anonymous

I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.

Anonymous

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.

Anonymous

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

Anonymous

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Anonymous

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Anonymous

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Anonymous

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Anonymous

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.

Anonymous

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston Churchill

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

Anonymous