Funny Sayings

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A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open. Frank Zappa

Short Quotes Top 100

You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents. Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. - Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Phone

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt. - Anonymous

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt. Anonymous

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. - Anonymous

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it. - Anonymous

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it. Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Love Quotes Man Quotes

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does! Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes Phone

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there. Anonymous

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you. Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! - Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. - David Letterman

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

Stupid Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. - Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Anonymous

Short Quotes Statements Top 100

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Robert Bloch

Man Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. - Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Anonymous

Money Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I feel the best when I am happy.

I feel the best when I am happy. Anonymous

Happy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. - Anonymous

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes Top 100

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." - Anonymous

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor." Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. Anonymous

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible. Anonymous

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Ronnie Shakes

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