Funny Sayings

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

Anonymous

Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.

Anonymous

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.

Anonymous

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

Anonymous

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.

Anonymous

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

Anonymous

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

Anonymous

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.

Anonymous

When nothing is going right, go left.

Anonymous

When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.

Anonymous

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

Frank Zappa

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?

Anonymous

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Anonymous

If I say "First of all," run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Anonymous

Been there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Anonymous

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

Anonymous

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

Anonymous

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Anonymous