Funny Sayings

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

The road to success is always under construction.

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?