Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.
Taking a shower is awesome, it makes you feel nice and clean, makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life's decisions.
Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I'm still going to keep looking.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.
Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
I'm not feeling very worky today.
I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
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