When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.
I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.
Legend says that when you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone's dream. So if everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great.
I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.
Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.
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