Funny Sayings

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!