Funny Sayings

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Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who. - Anonymous

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who. Anonymous

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Anonymous

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. Anonymous

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target. Anonymous

Never Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Statements

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late. - Anonymous

They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late. Anonymous

Short Quotes Time Quotes

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing. - Henry Louis Mencken

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.

Henry Louis Mencken

Life Quotes Top 100 World Quotes

$Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. - Anonymous$

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Math Quotes Think Quotes

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Statements

The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day. - Anonymous

The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day. Anonymous

He who laughs last didn't get it. - Helen Giangregorio

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Helen Giangregorio

Short Quotes Top 100

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys. Anonymous

When you fall, I will be there to catch you.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Top 100

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls. Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. - Anonymous

If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape. - Anonymous

Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human. Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions. - Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions. Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. - Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. Anonymous

Witty Quotes Work Quotes

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. - Anonymous

With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

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