I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
The road to success is always under construction.
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2016