Funny Sayings

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.

Anonymous

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Anonymous

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Anonymous

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Anonymous

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Anonymous

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Anonymous

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

Anonymous

The road to success is always under construction.

Lily Tomlin

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Anonymous

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Alison Boulter

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."

Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Anonymous