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When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
Anonymous
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
Anonymous
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
Anonymous
Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
Anonymous
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Anonymous