I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean, and you go to sleep at 9 o'clock, it means you don't have Internet!!
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.
Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza.
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.
Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate.
Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.
Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.
"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.
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