Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Don't press your luck, you might pop it.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
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