Funny Sayings

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I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Ronnie Shakes

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. - Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. Anonymous

Top 100 Work Quotes

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Joey Adams

Love Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere. - Anonymous

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere. Anonymous

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. Anonymous

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself. Anonymous

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Statements

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. - Anonymous

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. - Anonymous

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Math Quotes Think Quotes

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. - Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Top 100

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. - David Letterman

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

Stupid Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Love Quotes Man Quotes

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. Anonymous

Love Quotes Top 100

Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves. Anonymous

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? - Anonymous

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

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