I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. Anonymous
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. Anonymous
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself. Anonymous
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous
You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. Anonymous
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. Anonymous
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. Anonymous
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. Anonymous
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Anonymous
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