Funny Sayings

I don't like violence but I don't mind if I get hit by luck.

Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

Anonymous

I noticed you are not noticing me.

Anonymous

If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.

Anonymous

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Anonymous

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.

Anonymous

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.

Anonymous

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.

Anonymous

I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."

Anonymous

I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.

Anonymous

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

Anonymous

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Anonymous

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.

Anonymous

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston Churchill

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Anonymous

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Anonymous