Funny Sayings

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The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs...

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. Anonymous

Drinking Man Quotes Top 100

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. - Anonymous

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous

Know Quotes Statements Top 100

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! - Anonymous

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! Anonymous

Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sleep Quotes

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes Top 100

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. Anonymous

Never Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Anonymous

Good Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. - Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. Anonymous

People Quotes Sleep Quotes Wise Quotes

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous

Know Quotes Think Quotes Top 100

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. - Anonymous

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.

Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going. Anonymous

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. - Anonymous

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

P.D. East

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. - Anonymous

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth! Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. Anonymous

Math Quotes Short Quotes

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Friend Quotes Top 100

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

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