Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
When nothing is going right, go left.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'
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