There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn't stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
