My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
The difference between running and walking is a lot more apparent when you have to go to the bathroom.
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
A joke is a very serious thing.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
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