Top 100 Funny Quotes

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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

Know Quotes Questions Think Quotes
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. - Anonymous
A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games. Anonymous
Analogies Love Quotes Phone
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. Anonymous
Never Quotes People Quotes Phone
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open. Frank Zappa
Sayings Short Quotes
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. - Anonymous
If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. Anonymous
Life Quotes
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.

Jacques Deval

Animals Funny Tree Quotes Man Quotes
Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. - Anonymous
Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. Anonymous
Sayings Sleep Quotes
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. - Anonymous
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars. Anonymous
Life Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before.
Everything happening now happens because of everything that has happened before. Anonymous
Life Quotes Statements
Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. - Anonymous
Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - Paul Fix
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Paul Fix

People Quotes Statements Think Quotes
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! Anonymous
Questions Sayings Short Quotes
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