Top 100 Funny Quotes

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Anonymous

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

Anonymous

Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.

Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Anonymous

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.

Anonymous

That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Anonymous

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

Anonymous

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Anonymous

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.

Anonymous

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Albert Einstein

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

Albert Einstein

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

Anonymous

Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.

Anonymous

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.

Anonymous