Top 100 Funny Quotes

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How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Wise Quotes

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous

Animals Cat Quotes Computers

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That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times. - Anonymous

That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times. Anonymous

Moments Time Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Winston Churchill

Analogies Famous Quotes Good Quotes

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

P.D. East

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. - Anonymous

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings

It's really complicated to make something simple.

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated. Anonymous

Sayings Statements

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous

Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. - Anonymous

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. Anonymous

Facebook Life Quotes Sayings

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. - Anonymous

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. Anonymous

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In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. - Anonymous

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. Anonymous

Life Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. Anonymous

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. - Anonymous

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. - Anonymous

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. - Anonymous

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me. - Anonymous

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me. Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

Funny drinking quote - 24 hours day beer

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Steven Alexander Wright

Beer Quotes Drinking Questions

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. - Anonymous

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

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