Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. Anonymous
Sayings
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. Anonymous
Life Quotes Stupid Quotes
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My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Anonymous
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. - Anonymous
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Love Quotes
Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous
Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. - Anonymous
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. Anonymous
Facebook Short Quotes Wise Quotes
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous
Know Quotes Sayings Think Quotes
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous
Know Quotes Moments People Quotes
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Life Quotes Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous
Animals Cat Quotes Computers
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

Know Quotes Questions Think Quotes
What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.
What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes
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