If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.
For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
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