Top 100 Funny Quotes
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Anonymous
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A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Winston Churchill
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Anonymous
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
Anonymous
Displayed 166-180 of 400 quotes.














