Top 100 Funny Quotes
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake. Anonymous
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job. Anonymous
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' Anonymous
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands. Anonymous
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Anonymous
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all. Anonymous
Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. Anonymous
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? Anonymous
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y". Anonymous
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous
Displayed 181-195 of 400 quotes.