I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.. Anonymous
Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Anonymous
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor. Anonymous
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Anonymous
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake! Anonymous
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted! Anonymous
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. Anonymous
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... Steven Alexander Wright
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that. Anonymous