Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Work Quotes
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right. Anonymous
Happy Quotes Know Quotes Life Quotes
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How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. - Anonymous
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Know Quotes
Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. - Anonymous
Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. - Anonymous
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. Anonymous
Animals Questions
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. - Anonymous
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
How do I like my eggs? In a cake. - Anonymous
How do I like my eggs? In a cake. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. - Anonymous
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. Anonymous
People Quotes Short Quotes Wise Quotes
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain
Drinking Eat Quotes Famous Quotes
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous
Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes
If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. - Anonymous
If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. Anonymous
Facebook People Quotes
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