Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.
Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
I'm not feeling very worky today.
Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.
Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
Cool Funny Quotes
