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My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

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Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

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I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

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When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.

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My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

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My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

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If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. - Sigmund Freud

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

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I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

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If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

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Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. - Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

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Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Benjamin Franklin

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The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

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When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad. - Helen Rowland

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Helen Rowland

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