To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Louis Hector Berlioz
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?
I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.
Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.
It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.
I'm not lazy, I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me... should be here any time now.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.
My four moods: I'm too old for doing that. I'm too tired for doing that. I'm too sober for doing that. I don't have time for doing that.
I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
Beginner pilot rules:
1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
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