I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.
"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.
They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.
I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.
Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Those who snore always fall asleep first.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
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