If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.
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